So many women struggle with confidence in today’s world.  There’s so much comparison, with social media having everyone’s ‘best bits’ plastered everywhere, it can leave people feeling like they just aren’t confident enough.  And because of that, so many of us can suffer from low self-esteem, causing us to hide away, avoid situations and not show up in our true expression, as ourselves.    

And where there are confidence challenges, there are also usually ‘perfectionism’ challenges somewhere too; comparison is a huge factor in today’s lack of confidence epidemic.  There’s this idea in our crazy modern world that we have to all appear ‘perfect.’  Perfectionism and lack of confidence is something that so many people suffer with - so if that’s you, then read on.

I know it well, because I’ve been there, too - and I’ve especially seen that it can show up for women who are here to be healers - so, if you’re also a budding aromatherapist reading this, then know that suffering with our confidence as a healer is a common thing that can happen as we step into our journey.

And aromatherapy can really help with healing this wound, liberating our perfectionism and building confidence.  There are some great essential oils to help to release emotions that arise as we feel under-confident - so, I’m going to share my Top 10 essential oils for healing lack of confidence and perfectionism, along with ways to work with the oils in blends - and some bonus liberating ‘journaling prompts’ to help you own your confidence.

Top 10 essential oils for lack of confidence and perfectionism

There are so many oils that can help you with boosting confidence, and I’ve selected my Top 10 based on their mental-emotional properties - they may be relaxants, antidepressants, or oils that help with self-acceptance.

1. Patchouli - one of my favourite oils for boosting confidence, this rich, musky, herby oil is hypnotic, relaxing, and good for balancing emotions - and it’s also really good to calm the mind; and make you feel calmer and more at home with yourself.
2. Geranium - a sweet, floral oil, Geranium has a particular affinity with the hormones, so it’s particularly serving for confidence that dips in times of hormonal imbalance - for example, puberty, menstrual or menopause - or change.
3. Bergamot - an uplifting oil this one is especially helpful when you’re amid a lack of confidence trigger - it’s a great anxiety-soothing oil and can help mid-self-esteem-meltdown.  If your lack of self-esteem is really impacting you, work with this oil for some self-soothing.
4. Rose – with a deep, floral aroma, this is helpful for processing grief or loss, so if there’s low self-esteem due to some form of grief, this is your oil.  A potent soothing oil, it’s great to release emotions, including lack of confidence.
5. Lavender – with a herby, floral scent, lavender is a healing and balancing oil for the emotions that calms the nerves - when we lack confidence, our nervous systems can be on overdrive, and Lavender is the perfect oil to soothe that.
6. Sandalwood – with a sweet, woody aroma, this is a meditative oil to quieten the mind - great for softening the chatter that says you should be more perfect, or those compulsions to compare yourself to others.  It also has an affinity for the urinary tract, which in Chinese Medicine is associated with the water element – and is associated with fear.  If you are fearing not being perfect enough, this is a good oil.
7. Cypress - a wonderful woody, spicy oil, this one is said to instantaneously stop negative emotions, so it helps to ease emotions when you’re feeling really triggered by the idea of perfectionism and things not being ‘enough’ or ‘right.’  It also helps release stagnant energy, such as the idea that we need to compare ourselves.
8. Grapefruit – with a tangy, citrus aroma, this cheery oil is quite stimulating, and rejuvenating and can relieve emotions and help with nervous exhaustion.  It’s also good at helping you to refocus and concentrate on a more positive story about yourself (once you’ve met yourself in your emotions and allowed yourself to feel and express however you feel).
9. Melissa - this warm, sweet, lemony oil is uplifting and soothing for the nervous system and reminds us of the lightness of life when we can accept who we are, instead of trying to be perfect.  It’s thought to ease troubles, and boost confidence when feeling vulnerable and insecure.
10. Cedarwood - a woody, balsamic oil, this one is great for overcoming fear and promoting courage and inner-strength, which makes it great when you’re in the thick of suffering from lack of confidence.

Essential oil blends and rituals 

So, how can we bring these oils together in blends to help heal lack of confidence and perfectionism?  Well, firstly, let me just honour that alchemising our confidence challenges can be an ongoing and longer journey - essential oils won’t just ‘fix’ it for us, but they will help us to begin to soothe our nervous system, change the fearful confidence-lacking chemistry of our bodies and slow us down so we can get more deeply in tune with our own sense of inner wisdom and power.  They will support us in changing the chemistry of our cells so we can begin to address the underlying causes and the wounds of our inner child that are creating lack of confidence for us.

My recommendation is to create some aromatherapy blends to work with as you step into addressing some of the underlying causes, perhaps by journaling, moving your body, or through meditation - or even with a guide or therapist.

As ever, I’ll share blends below for you to begin this, and I invite you to mix and match essential oils that you feel drawn to (whilst sticking to the same total carrier oil to essential oil drops ratio).

Mid-Meltdown Pause Blend

One of the things I know that I have suffered with is ‘meltdowns’ when I’m triggered about not being confident or not feeling perfect ‘enough’ - and I know that essential oils can be a powerful ‘pattern interrupt’ for when we are caught in perfectionism comparison and self-confidence spirals.  Ideally, instead of continuing to spiral, if we can pause and catch ourselves in that process (wherever that is) and be a bit kinder to ourselves, we can get our essential oils out and support our bodies with some chemical change that will help us to feel more emotionally grounded.

Mix 3 drops Patchouli, 3 drop Cypress and 1 drop Lavender in water in an electrical diffuser or candle burner and immediately as you notice yourself spiralling, start to diffuse the oils, whilst you celebrate yourself for catching it and choosing to honour yourself, instead.

Contemplatory Bathing Bliss

Sometimes when we find ourselves overwhelmed with low confidence it can create anxiety, and the best thing here is to provide ourselves with a calming and pampering experience to let our bodies and minds know that we are worthy, just as we are.  I’d recommend doing whatever feels most aligned for you, but one thing I know I am soothed by is bathing in essential oils.  

Mix 3 drops Sandalwood, 2 drops Bergamot and 1 drop Rose in 15ml Bath Oil or SLS Free Shower Gel and pour it into the hot running water of your bath, close the windows and lie back and relax.  You might like to contemplate which part of you feels you should ‘be more’ or ‘do more’ - and dialogue with the part of you that feels to be lacking confidence and ask her ‘why’ - if that helps.  Or, just lie and meditate on what you need to feel better.

Cellular Change Massage

When we are feeling less triggered is actually the best time to do some work on healing our lack of confidence, self-esteem and compulsion to be perfect.  So, I’d recommend that when you’re feeling quite ‘ok’, you begin to open to addressing the underlying causes.  I’ll share some journaling prompts for this in the next section, in case you’d like to do that - but I’d also invite you to make a massage blend to apply before you begin, to help open you to cellular change of these old stories you are harbouring that have you feel not confident in your fullness.  And, if you’re not ready for those enquiries, then this blend will be really supportive, anyway.

Mix 3 drops Melissa, 2 drops Grapefruit and 1 drop Geranium into 15ml of a carrier oil such as Grapeseed oil.  Apply this to your whole body, to allow the oils of transformation to act on a deep cellular level, as if you had had a massage - and go into the following journey work to understand what’s lying underneath low confidence.

Addressing the underlying causes - journaling prompts

Finally, before we go into these, the invitation here is to try and have some self-compassion for the parts of you that feel lacking confidence.  I know it won’t feel like it, but you are absolutely perfect as you are, in your natural truth; yet somewhere inside, you’re holding onto some old story that has you feel you’re not.  So, my question is:

Firstly, are you ready to start illuminating what might be underneath your lack of confidence? This is an important question to really contemplate before going into this enquiry as it might reveal things you’d not seen before.

Secondly, if you are, then what tends to trigger your lack of confidence?  Is there a particular thing that sets off a bout of low self-esteem? Is there a hidden desire in there, or a hidden ‘No’ in there that’s not being heard?  Is there a hidden ‘old story’ in there that wants some love?

What would it mean if you weren’t perfect?  What’s the deeper fear under that?  Keep going with that one until you get to the deepest fear.

Can you have some loving self-compassion for yourself where you are?  What would that look like?

This is a way to go into the deeper cause, but I’d recommend finding ways to show yourself some more loving kindness and compassion - and the best way to start that is to begin to carve out some time to use essential oils to provide yourself some time to go inwards.

Enjoy - and let us know if anything surfaces.